The recent surge in construction of “Big Box” stores in the Bismarck-Mandan area may have come to a screeching halt after shocking announcements released Friday!
Stores like this will only build in a certain metro area once its population has reached or exceeded a certain threshold, usually around 100,000 people. In order to recruit these businesses to the Bismarck-Mandan area, local community developers exploited the “100 mile radius” rule to define a Bismarck-Mandan “metro area” that met the requirement. This allowed them to include Dickinson, Washburn, Wilton, Jamestown, and other outlying communities.
But who’s to say that someone will hop in the car and drive 99.9 miles to do their regular shopping at these stores? Apparently, that’s not the case. After a minor surge in business upon opening, the local “Big Box” establishments now sit largely empty, relying only on drastic sales to try to recruit those elusive prairie customers. Now they want out.
“We were duped by the numbers,” said one store manager in an off-the-record phone conversation. “It’s worse than the ‘budget surplus’ of the Clinton administration in the 1990s, counting on revenue that wasn’t there. In this case, we’re counting on people that just aren’t coming.” Another store employee I bumped into said, “We’re not sure we’d have much business in building materials at all, except that the locals are tired of Menards selling ‘curly lumber’ all these years.”
Local officials deny that there was any sort of “massaging the numbers” at play here, but instead cite gas prices and winter weather as causes for fewer customers coming to Bismarck from the surrounding area. At an emergency city meeting, the question was posed: “Look, if they’ll just wait for Spring and Summer, we’re sure this trend will turn around. What sense does it make to put up a million dollar building, then cry foul and go home?”
To make matters worse, this devastating news comes on the weekend of April Fool’s Day, which means that by now you should have figured out that I’m pulling your chain. I had to make up a gripping April Fool’s joke from somewhere. Now go out to Best Buy, Kohl’s, Petsmart, Home Depot, or one of the other lovely new “Big Box” establishments and spend some money.
On a related note, if you feel the need to donate a Briggs & Stratton-powered pressure washer from Home Depot to the Bismarck-Mandan Blog, please contact me by email using the form at the upper right of this page. It will be greatly appreciated and immediately put to good use in a good home.
