I’m sure you’ve heard a lot about E85 fuel lately…in North Dakota especially it’s being heralded not only as a great alternative fuel, but also as a great source of revenue flowing into our state. Well, they may be right on one account. But E85 (or ethanol at all, for that matter) is a big loser. That’s the great big elephant in the room that nobody wants to talk about.

It’s easy to be on the “for” side of the E85 issue. After all, who wouldn’t want a nice plentiful alternative fuel…one that helps the farmers of America’s heartland? But that comes with a big catch. Set your feelings aside for a second and connect the dots.

The ND Public Service Commission released a report this week saying that they tested E85 fuel from two Bismarck gas stations. Fuel that’s being sold as “85% Ethanol” is actually allowed, by ND law, to vary by as much as 25%! That means you could be buying “E60” when you’re paying for E85, and it’s legal! Not only is that sad, but it’s not even the heart of the matter. Read on.

According to figures they released in a Bismarck Tribune article today, the two samples of E85 fuel tested at 79,580 BTUs and 89,830 BTUs. That’s a measure of how much energy is in a gallon of the fuel sold as E85 at those stations. The more energy in the fuel, the more that gets released when you burn it in your fancy new alternative-fuel capable vehicle. That’s quite a variance, in this case well over ten percent!

Have you ever had a dirty air filter? A fouled spark plug or cracked spark plug wire? Have you taken a road trip with underinflated tires? These things make a pretty serious difference in your gas mileage. So imagine the difference if someone took ten percent of the bang out of your fuel! Your mileage is going to go down far worse than any of the above.

But again, there’s that giant elephant in the corner that nobody’s talking about. Let’s refer back to those numbers for E85 fuel. On the low end they had 79,580 BTUs and the high end 89,830 BTUs. Conventional gasoline typically contains over 110,000 BTUs according to the EPA! So E85 is a thermodynamic DUD.

Let’s not forget that in order to get that precious gallon of energy-saving E85 fuel you have to plant corn, irrigate it, harvest it, transport it, process it, and extract ethanol from it. So you’ve already burned a ton of fuel just to get that gallon of E85 in the first place. Now you’ve got a gallon of something that has approximately 70% of the energy output of a gallon of gasoline!

As a motorcycle racer, I’ve heard all the myths about gasoline blends. I’ve talked to guys who think the octane rating is the same as a virtual “power rating” of a fuel. I’ve heard that race gas will burn up your engine (generally it actually burns faster, therefore cooler). I’ve also done the research and read a lot on it. And let me tell you right now, your best bet is to buy 87 octane Regular Unleaded. Don’t get the ethanol blend for the same price; your mileage will suffer. If you ride a car or motorcycle which requires higher octane fuel, get the Premium Unleaded. Your engine will thank you for it, and so will your wallet.

Speaking of wallets, the only way ethanol and ethanol blended fuels can be viable is if someone sneaks money out of yours. Your taxes have to subsidize this new miraculous alternative fuel; billions have been spent already on it and billions more will be spent due to the craze over the price of crude oil and gasoline. Subsidies will help build processing plants and subsidies will go to farmers growing corn…it’s subsidies all around, hop on the Ethanol gravy train!

I know this isn’t going to be a popular post in a rural state like North Dakota, but it’s the truth. I don’t care if it brings more ag revenue into the state, it’s a dishonest way to get it. Remove all the subsidies, let ethanol pay its own way, and then see how viable an alternative fuel it is. In the mean time, I’ll stick to burning the real thing, and getting my 110,000 BTUs per gallon out of it. In the motorcycles, I’ll be getting a lot more than that (for anywhere from $4 to $24 per gallon)!

No, I didn’t drive out to the coast for this. It’s a first – I used someone else’s image (aslo.org) for a variety of reasons. But the picture’s not the point.

I don’t know how many of you look at your 401(k) statements from work, or picked your own funds, or have personal retirement accounts of your own. Maybe you invest in mutual funds outside of retirement plans. I have some 401(k) and independent IRA plans that I manage through work and on my own, and they’re all doing quite well, thank you very much.

I invest in aggressive funds. I’m a young guy. I also made a ton of money on my previous mutual funds through KFYR and cashed them out to buy my house, a motorcycle, and my fancy graphics and video equipment for my home studio. So it’s time to get back to making money fast. Thankfully I pulled my money out right before the big Internet pucker of the late ’90s. Now I’m invested in aggressive funds again.

Where do you suppose those funds go? They all invest in “Big Oil” to some extent. If you’re young, and you follow the investment advice you’re given, they invest heavily in such stocks. Why? Because they stand to make you a lot of money. So when the government starts talking about breaking up the “monopolies” or taxing “unfair profits” you will see it in your bottom line.

That goes for anyone who comes out of college with a skull full of nice little liberal “anti-corporation” ideas. The fact of the matter is that, in this modern economy, everything is linked together. The prosperity of everyone is linked. If you want to be an “anti” and badmouth the corporations that keep this country going and fuel your mutual funds and 401k, you’d better just pull that money back out and live up to what your mouth is spouting.

Then again, if you have a nice union job, you can be like GM workers who basically get a paycheck for life. Then you won’t have to worry about retirement. That little perk means the rest of us pay an extra $1500 for every GM vehicle purchased in order to fund that nonsense. But I digress.

Maybe the fact that I’m used to paying $5-8 a gallon for race fuel for the motorcycle has desensitized me toward gas prices. It’s either that or the fact that I think the cell phone companies are gouging us far worse than the Wannenbergs are. Either way, just remember that oil companies are publicly traded stocks, owned by people like you, me, and Al Gore. So be careful before you slap a bullseye on your own back.